Je Suis Belle.

I have made so many mistakes in my life. I honestly feel undeserving of God’s love for all the times I have felt like I failed him. As I write my first book, I’ve reread some of my journals that have withheld my inner thoughts for all these years. All of the moments I wish I could forget lie between those pages. I have been hesitant to share my story with anyone because I did not want to be judged. However, I know that someone needs to hear it and I want to help someone get through their journey and tests.

MY STORY.

All of my life people in my family and around me have told me that, “I am going to be GREAT.” But, at only fourteen years old, I will never forget those dark months when I wanted to end my life. I remember calling out to God asking him why he would not just let me go. Why would he not just allow me to be with him. I did not see my light anymore. The darkness had taken that. I never felt as if I was enough. I felt less than for several reasons. I felt unwanted to the point where began to truly believe that. My friends turned their backs on me. I was completely alone. I would beg God to take me home but he did not. I was angry. 

It was Nerd Day. LOL.

Then that summer I heard God for the first time in a really long time. He told me, “I am not taking you from this world because I am not done with you yet. I have a lot planned for you and this pain is temporary. It is just preparing you for your future.” I wrote this down in one of my journals. I remember for a few months I felt changed. However, over time the thoughts of unworthiness came back. This lasted nearly all of the time that I was in high school. I was even told that I was depressed. For years, I felt sad on and off. I wanted to get out of my misery but it was like I literally could not. Sometimes I would not eat for days at a time. I would just go for a walk in the park and then go back to my room or outside to draw, paint, or whatever the case maybe. Recently (within the past year) my mom told me one of the paintings I made broke her heart. She asked me what the work symbolized and I responded me. It was a tree without branches. A tree trying to find its way when it felt like the world was caving in on it. Those were the hardest times for me.

My Mom and I when I was in HS. Yes, her hair is real! Inches!

January 2014 I found God, completely. You see I will not say there was ever a time when I did not believe in God. I have always believed in him, however, I was not ready to truly live for him. I felt him giving me joy, power, and restoring me of everything that I felt was taken from me. I felt at peace with not only myself but my life. Then, after going to a christian conference in New Jersey I learned that my cousin had passed away. The unexpected death of my cousin had really made it hard for me to keep the faith. I remember for days I would just scream and cry in my dorm room asking God, why. I remember how hard it was for me to understand the idea of having faith when feeling as if all faith was truly gone. I was broken. My spirit was crushed. My life was changed. I was changed. 

I just wanted to stop my life. I thought about dropping out of college. However, I did not know what I would do. I was lost. I would have these dreams where God would put me in situations where all he would tell me to do was trust in him. Eventually, I did and was able to receive the closure that I so desperately needed. 

You see something I am learning about myself is that I have desires. There are things I long for that I can not control. God knows my heart. With him those desires will be fulfilled. When I look back and see how far I have come I know that he is working on and in me. Every time I smile I remember all that I have been able to overcome with him. Yes, there is much more to come and more for me to work through, however, I know that each day I am growing. My light that I could once not see in the darkness is now being able to shine so bright that others can recognize it. I have gone through some things. Everyone does. It is what makes you human. It is what molds you into the woman or man that God has set you out to be.

"Beautiful,

Everything is okay. I know you want answers and I know you want to figure everything out right now but God is handling it. God knows everything that your heart desires. God knows who you long to be and he knows you. You are not a failure. Everyone makes mistakes that is apart of life. God has forgiven you. It is time that you forgive yourself and move forward.You are beautiful. You are smart. You are special. Even when you don’t think you are. In his eyes you are perfect. You have nothing to worry about. Sometimes your mind and body are not in tune with one another but just remember that God will always guide you when you can not seem to guide yourself. Sometimes the pain may feel unbearable but just know that it will get better. The heartbreak will end. There is a rainbow at the end of your dark tunnel."

xoxo,

Morgan-Brittani

2 A.M.

       I am going to be as transparent as possible right now. It is currently 2 o’clock in the morning and my spirit has been led to share this with you all. I have failed God numerous times. I have put my trust in people. Counting on them to lift me up and on them to encourage me. In my darkest hour, I have called my best friend instead of God. I did not find anything wrong with this. God sends you people to help you stay on track.. Right? This is true. However, with me its deeper than that. I call up a friend to clarify what God has already told me. I hear his voice but oftentimes don’t want to “hear” him. He has told me time and time again that what he has planned for my life I can only do through him. YET, I still look high and low for answers elsewhere.

Tonight I was going through my old poetry and found this poem I wrote when I was in the ninth grade:

REFLECTION

"Looking in the mirror.

Clearly searching for her way.

Certain things got destroyed,

Damaged along the way.

Simply beginning to cry...

Looking in the mirror

Asking "why"?

Her reflection began to bend.

All she could ask God was,

'When will it all just finally end'"

I searched for love in the wrong places and the wrong people because I wanted to feel the feeling I saw in movies and now on social media. I remember thinking, "Why am I so desperate for love when God gave his only son to save me from my sins? God has loved me when I did not even love myself." When I did not know if I wanted the life he gave me he still believed in me and loved me. He nurtured me and spoke life into me. I have to love myself before anyone. I need to love myself the way God loved me.

I share this with you all because I feel in my spirit the pain coming from people who feel inadequate and unworthy of God’s love for whatever reason.. God loves you. He loves you more than you love you. ALSO, you need to GUARD YOUR HEART. Your heart controls your life and you can not just give that away to anyone. Know yourself and know your worth. You are valuable. You are worth it. You are truly good enough. God just wants you and me to focus on him and allow him to work everything else around you into place. Don’t stress, overthink, worry, or overanalyze it. HE’S GOT YOU!!!!

Through prayer and faith I have come so far and have really began to value self love and God’s love for myself. It’s completely amazing to see how once you allow God to control your life how  many mountains he will move. I am still a work in progress but I am glad I am his work in progress and am no longer trying to do this on my own. Tonight God showed me all that he has brought me through. I went from clinically depressed to being able to smile without feeling like it was fake. I am truly JOYFUL. I give that up to God. I prayed for years to be restored and he is a healer. He heals you. And he is currently healing me. 

xoxo,

Morgan-Brittani

P.S. If you need prayer email me at morganbrittanidaniels@gmail.com. We can not do this alone. 

Made these:

Miss. Morgan-Brittani

 

   Valentine's Day is almost here. Some of us maybe feeling impatient and overwhelmed. Today I am here to tell you that there is NO NEED TO BE feeling that way. This week God has shared with me that he has handled everything that I think is challenging me in life. I am going to share today with you what God has told me in hopes to renew your hearts and minds.

I mentioned in my prior blog, I had changed schools. This transition has been both a fun and stressful one. As a new student, I had to go seek guidance from the transfer counselor about my credits when she told me that I maybe graduating earlier than expected. Some of you guys may say this is great news. However, it completely threw me off. You see I am a planner. Then, just like that God completely changed the plan. I was starting to feel overwhelmed by this and did not know what to do. I had started to doubt if I heard God correctly not only in the aspect of my life but other aspects as well. 

The other morning, while having my morning devotion my mind began to feel even more overwhelmed. I kept crying out to God saying, “speak to me, speak to me.” I was starting to feel confused and anxious. God had told me of his plans, however, everything that he said would happen had not occurred and some things have even changed. I was beginning to feel impatient. In this moment, God led me to open up my bible and read  Philippians 4:6 which says, “Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done.” Then I continued to read Romans 12:12 (I encourage you to read this verse).

After reading the scriptures, I told God, “I trust in you. I know that you still have a plan over my life and that you are trying to teach me to be patient and not depend on anything of this world.”  The next day I went to the grocery store with my life in God’s hands. Walking down the aisles of the store I begin to see flowers. EVERYWHERE. Not only flowers but I also saw seeds. In that moment I realized something that truly changed my life. God has planted seeds within me. These seeds were planted within me from the day he decided that he was going to create a Morgan-Brittani. However, the seeds needed to grow. I need to be able to depend on him even when it hurts. No matter what the circumstances. 

In this moment, I began to see everything that I have been through with God by my side. I saw every tear he wiped away and every wound he healed. He nurtured me the same way you would nurture a flower you would want to grow. What he has planned for me can not be done without him. He has told me, “With patience and dependence on me alone I will turn you into one of the beautiful flowers you see in front of you right now.” 

In this season of your life, you maybe impatient for something that you feel God has promised you. Just know that God is handling it. The God we serve is a forgiving, loving and trustworthy one. God knows what your heart desires. He planted seeds in your life just like he did in mine. He wants you to be the most beautiful flower in the garden and that is why he is taking his time to put everything together. 

xoxo, 

Morgan-Brittani

P.S. Have a Valentine's Day full of love. Thank you to http://www.drenayeverettphotography.com for the beautiful photographs. Here are more.

New Chapter, Same Girl

 

    

  At the beginning of 2014, I knew I wanted something different. I was completely worn out and running on empty. I was a wreck. I believed in God without a doubt, however, I was not giving him my all. I knew that I had to spend more time with him and through that alone I knew I would gain some knowledge on what God wants for my life. I started to pray daily. I would pour my heart out to God sharing with him all of my cares and concerns. I eventually even started a YouTube Channel to help reassure people like me that God is real, he will heal your pain, and change your situation. These videos allowed me to connect with God in a way I had never been able to connect with him before.

Around April 2014, I heard God tell me that it was time for me to change schools. I remember thinking, “What do you mean God” and “Do you realize what that would mean for my life, that’s a huge decision.” I applied to new schools and got accepted. However, I had not heard back from the school in which I was most interested in attending. I called the admissions office and they said that for some reason my application did not show up in their system. I began to wonder if I heard God correctly. Maybe he did not want me to leave my school. In fact, maybe he wanted me to stay. I began to feel afraid of change. This emotion led me back to my previous school for a second year. Throughout this semester, I heard God tell me that it was now time for me to make a huge step and to truly trust in him. Around October, I made a decision to transfer schools. I did not share this information with anyone including my parents until a month after. I felt as if I truly needed to reflect on everything with God. I wanted him to show me why he wanted me to change schools and why he did not want me to attend the school I was transferring to in the beginning.

The week before I left my old school I told a few people that I would not be returning. Those same people wrote me letters and sent me text messages saying the same thing, “You inspire me.” One person even told me that they were shy and I helped them truly grow just by having my loving nature around. These heartfelt messages really allowed me to see that there was a purpose for me to be in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania at that point and time in my life. God showed his face to others through me. It is amazing how he will use you when you let him.

It is now January and I have just finished my first week at my new school in Atlanta, Georgia. I do not question God on anything, however, I have faith in him. Changing schools was a huge leap of faith that I know I would not have been able to happen if I had not trusted in God and had people continuously pray for me. The first day of school I realized that this is truly where God has called me to be and this is my time. In the past few weeks, I have been shown several different things regarding what God has planned for my life. I am beyond excited to be on this journey called life as I allow God to write my memoir. If you ever feel God telling you to do something out of your comfort zone remember he has your heart at interest.

xoxo,

Morgan-Brittani

P.S. Have a wonderful weekend beauties! 

The Christmas Gifts

It’s almost Christmas Eve. That being said it is time for me to take a step back and reflect.. In light of this Christmas season, I am going to share the three Christmas Gifts in which God has given me after much prayer. These being love, joy, and peace. I guess I’ll start with love. 

THE GIFT OF LOVE.

Love is something that we all grow up wanting to encounter. Disney princesses made me feel as if love was something that could only be given by a kiss or a prince. However, I have realized over the years that love is more than a physical attraction between two people. Love is a gift, a gift that God has bestowed upon the people of this world. The gift of love is such a beautiful thing and can help someone out of their deepest pains. This year has been a complete game changer for me. Right after I truly started to entirely believe in my God without a doubt he tested my faith. This test did not come in the form I had imagined. The light that surrounding me soon became too dim to rely on. The love given by my loved ones restored not only my physical, mental, and emotional well-being but made me in fact a stronger Morgan. Agape Love. That is the first gift that God has given me. I am truly blessed to be surrounded by so many people who love and want the best for me. 

THE GIFT OF JOY.

I used to get so down. Down for reasons I could not even begin to explain. I wouldn't  be able to eat, sleep, sometimes, and I didn't understand why. I did not know exactly why my heart was filled with this hole. I would cry out to God to please fix it, fix me. I wanted to have my heart filled with nothing but love once again. I prayed… On January 31, 2013, I was in the car with my best friend going to the Watch Night Service. We were listening to Christian music on the way there preparing our hearts for what was to come. Then, “I want it back,” by Tye Tribbett began to play. I had never heard this song but it was truly speaking to me. The words to that song unexplainably captured my soul. Then, my friend said “Say you want your joy back,” my spirit shook. It was so ironic because I did not know what it was necessarily that was missing from my life. God had revealed it to me through her, it was such a beautiful experience. Later that night, it was prayer time. I went up to receive prayer and that night I was told, “God is going to restore you of your joy…” I can now report to you that I have never been more joyful in my entire life. I know that there will be more test and I will have some bad days. JOY last longer than happiness. Happiness is a feeling, a feeling that can go away as fast or faster than it came. JOY is everlasting. The fact that God has blessed me with such an amazing gift is overwhelming. For this I have prayed. I want to share my joy with all of those that I ever encounter. I pray that I can touch as many as possible to spread the joy that God has given me.

THE GIFT OF PEACE.

After all of my trials, God has given me peace. I am able to trust him no matter the circumstance. This peace has allowed me to carry myself in a different way than ever before. Peace may be the last of the three gifts in which God has given me. However, this sense of peace has changed my life and has allowed me to further live without the fears that tomorrow may bring.

Merry Christmas y'all. I hope your Christmas is filled with lots of love, joy and peace. Enjoy this time!

XOXO,

-MorganBrittani

HAPPY NOVEMBER

 

            It’s N O V E M B E R already, wow. A new month. Once again, we are approaching a new year. During this time, several of us are surrounded by our loved ones. Everyone's body is filled with joy and a whole lot of good food. This year lets share love with one another during this holiday season and do nice things for others throughout this month. Lets encourage those who are down and lift up the weak. Next time you hear about someone going through something crazy, instead of talking about them lets close are eyes and simply pray for them. Instead of moping in our own self-pity, lets praise God that we are still here. This november lets really be someone else’s joy!

I challenge you to these tasks //

1. Share your LOVE with those around you!
2. Reconcile with those who have hurt you.
3. Be with someone in their time of need (nothing is better than being the light in someones darkest moments even if it is only by giving them a simple hug).
4. Give away something (during this time of year children as well as adults need things to help their families stay afloat within this season). 
5. P R A Y
6. And continue to thank God for everyday you woke up because it is not guaranteed but it is a blessing.

Also, don’t forget to make a change in your life starts with you. You don’t have to wait for tomorrow to make a positive change in your life. Change today. God wants to use you and your gifts! And if you already know God and want forgiveness for your sins don’t be afraid we all sin. The beautiful thing is that Jesus Christ died for our sins and you can become set free from those sins that you feel have you in bondage. It’s not easy, however, it is possible.

xo,

- MorganBrittani

This year has not been an easy one for me and I don’t think I could have gotten through it if I did not know my God. Depend on him. Trust in him. Live for him. 

Second Half is Coming. Don't Give Up.

I know times are tough. I know you maybe feeling like giving up on everything but please don’t give up now. It is almost the new year don’t bring those insecurities, doubts, and uncertainties with you. God still has a plan for your life (Jeremiah 29:11). You thinking that it is time to give up is giving the devil a chance to reign over your life. When you make room for the devil you are making room for his mess. Don't allow him to destroy your relationships, your thoughts, and your well-being!!! Choose Jesus. He is the light in the darkness. 

If you feel as if people are causing you to drift from God let them GO. The point of this life is to accomplish all that God has planned for you and to trust in him. If you are trusting in that little boy, little girl or social media for your fulfillment, YOU WILL NEVER BE FULFILLED. We have a void in our heart that only christ alone can fix. 

God has planned your life out without any mistakes. We serve a magnificent God. This is the second half and we are about to overcome everything that has been eating at us and placing some sort of disorder in your life. God can and will heal you where you hurt. Stop allowing the devil to eat at you. Stop running to others who are hurting too and start running to God. With support and God we will get through this. We will be great. And we will see. God can change your negative thoughts into positive ones trust me I have seen him do it first hand. I used to be depressed (I would not be able to eat, sleep, or express myself) but after following God I have been healed. Prayer changes things. God changes things. Thank God for still loving you after all the times you have strayed away from him. You will see a change in your life and in your faith. Times are tough. But our God is tougher. Last time I blogged I told you guys to trust in God. Now I tell you keep on pushing and DON’T GIVE UP on the God that will never give up on you.

xo,

- MorganBrittani

God loves you and I am praying for all of those who even open this blog. The power of prayer is beyond amazing. Have an amazing day (: