I remember playing with my barbie dolls in my room like always and asking myself, “Why am I here,” like it was yesterday. But now I have grown older.
I started to realize that I had a light that could bring happiness to those around me. It made me feel special and talented to know that I could make someone smile just by seeing my face. Then, when I went to high school everything changed. It was my first real test of faith when I look back on it. God wanted to see if I would love him through my mess. If I would pray for my breakthrough. And if I wouldn’t give up on him.
It all started when I became completely depressed in high school. I felt as if no one understood how alone I truly felt because I would hold up a good front. And when my parents put me in counseling I never told my counselor what was truly going on inside of my mind. I would smile at everyone hoping that someone would realize how hurt I truly was. But nobody ever did. I wanted to hurt myself. Hurt what God made and with that neglect the purpose that God had for me. I felt as if God wasn’t there for me anymore. As if he had left my side. I didn’t understand why people ridiculed my smile. Why people would point out all of my flaws. Why would God let me go through this? Why would he let me feel like I would never be good enough?
But see what I realized is that God will never forsake me. That God is my healer. God is my friend. God is my way when there is no way. God has my best interest at heart. God wants me to win this fight against the devil. And he will always be there in my darkest hours. I am faced with negative thoughts every once and a while. But there is something different about me now and how I was back then. I am not scared. I am not the girl I once was. NOTHING can stop me because I know that God has a plan for me. Although I do not know my exact purpose I know that each and everyday that I walk with God I am closer to finding it out. I am not perfect. And that is why he loves me. My imperfections make me even more beautiful.
- MorganBrittani
