I am going to be as transparent as possible right now. It is currently 2 o’clock in the morning and my spirit has been led to share this with you all. I have failed God numerous times. I have put my trust in people. Counting on them to lift me up and on them to encourage me. In my darkest hour, I have called my best friend instead of God. I did not find anything wrong with this. God sends you people to help you stay on track.. Right? This is true. However, with me its deeper than that. I call up a friend to clarify what God has already told me. I hear his voice but oftentimes don’t want to “hear” him. He has told me time and time again that what he has planned for my life I can only do through him. YET, I still look high and low for answers elsewhere.
Tonight I was going through my old poetry and found this poem I wrote when I was in the ninth grade:
REFLECTION
"Looking in the mirror.
Clearly searching for her way.
Certain things got destroyed,
Damaged along the way.
Simply beginning to cry...
Looking in the mirror
Asking "why"?
Her reflection began to bend.
All she could ask God was,
'When will it all just finally end'"
I searched for love in the wrong places and the wrong people because I wanted to feel the feeling I saw in movies and now on social media. I remember thinking, "Why am I so desperate for love when God gave his only son to save me from my sins? God has loved me when I did not even love myself." When I did not know if I wanted the life he gave me he still believed in me and loved me. He nurtured me and spoke life into me. I have to love myself before anyone. I need to love myself the way God loved me.
I share this with you all because I feel in my spirit the pain coming from people who feel inadequate and unworthy of God’s love for whatever reason.. God loves you. He loves you more than you love you. ALSO, you need to GUARD YOUR HEART. Your heart controls your life and you can not just give that away to anyone. Know yourself and know your worth. You are valuable. You are worth it. You are truly good enough. God just wants you and me to focus on him and allow him to work everything else around you into place. Don’t stress, overthink, worry, or overanalyze it. HE’S GOT YOU!!!!
Through prayer and faith I have come so far and have really began to value self love and God’s love for myself. It’s completely amazing to see how once you allow God to control your life how many mountains he will move. I am still a work in progress but I am glad I am his work in progress and am no longer trying to do this on my own. Tonight God showed me all that he has brought me through. I went from clinically depressed to being able to smile without feeling like it was fake. I am truly JOYFUL. I give that up to God. I prayed for years to be restored and he is a healer. He heals you. And he is currently healing me.
xoxo,
Morgan-Brittani
P.S. If you need prayer email me at morganbrittanidaniels@gmail.com. We can not do this alone.
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